


Voicemail

by vampiredroid



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 15x18, Angst, Hurt, M/M, Post-Episode: s15e18 Despair, Self-Harm, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:40:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27428068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vampiredroid/pseuds/vampiredroid
Summary: The phone kept ringing..Starts where season 15 episode 18 ends.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 3
Kudos: 125





	Voicemail

The phone kept ringing but Dean couldn't bring himself to answer it. It felt like Billie still had his heart in her unrelenting grip, squeezing until nothing was left of him. He raised his hands to his forehead and couldn't help the shudder that ran through his bones.

Cas loved him. Suddenly a lot of things were starting to make sense. The way Cas would look at him when he would make some stupid joke, the way he wanted everything to end after Lucifer had killed Cas a few years ago. 

Dean was no stranger to pain, but this was unlike anything he'd ever felt before. This raw, overwhelming pain and despair was spreading like a poison through his very soul. The pressure in his mind was building higher than it ever had before and he needed to do something to make it stop.

He rose off the floor on shaky limbs and looked around the room for something, anything to tame this savage beast clawing at his insides. His eyes settled on a chair and he picked it up and hurled it across the room and he felt no satisfaction watching the wood splinter and break against the wall. He picked up a lamp and threw it across the room but he felt no satisfaction at the sight of the glass exploding against the wall. Why wasn't this working? Why was the storm still raging inside of him?

Maybe pain would work. He punched the nearest brick wall with all his might and felt his fingers shatter and break. Not enough. He slammed his head against the wall and even then the blinding white hot pain wasn't enough.

Dean crumpled to the floor and tugged his hair roughly as waves of agony kept crashing into him. He then began to laugh hysterically. This was just his luck, he was only starting to realize how he felt about Cas and now he was gone, forever. Dean's frantic laughter cut off abruptly into a violent sob.

He'd never see those blue eyes ever again. He'd never get the chance to look in those eyes and know that he was loved. He'd never know what it would be like to kiss Cas, to hold his hand, to wake up next to him. Dean was a silent crier, normally the tears would stream down his face without a single sound. But this time was different, this time he couldn't breathe. He was choking on sobs and the pain was too great, he's had a lifetime of pain but he'd never felt this low in his life.

He stayed there sitting against the wall for hours thinking about all the things he'd never have now that Cas was gone. The phone was still ringing but he couldn't hear it. 

-

Sam and Jack sped back to the bunker and every time Dean's phone went to voicemail Sam felt more and more sick to his stomach. He had barely shut the car off before he was racing down the halls shouting Dean's name. He skidded to a stop when he found the door to the dungeon broken down.

He found Dean sitting in a corner staring blankly at a wall. There was blood dripping from Dean's head and his hands were broken and mangled. Sam kneeled down next to him and Dean startled only after Sam had said his name three times and laid a hand on his shoulder.

Sam had never seen his brother look so broken and defeated, his eyes were vacant and he was practically radiating sorrow.

"Dean, where's Cas?", Sam whispered gently. Dean didn't have to answer, Sam knew Cas was gone when Dean's face twisted in pain.

"Sammy..he told me he loved me and then he was gone.", Sam froze and somehow his heart sinked even deeper in his chest. He had known, anyone with eyes had known how much Cas loved Dean, everyone except Dean himself. 

"I th- I think I loved him too Sam", Dean choked on a sob,"Now I'll never get to tell him."

Sam's heart broke for his older brother. He had lost Jess and now Eileen, but he'd never lost someone like this. He knew he was loved and Jess and Eileen knew they were loved, but the universe had never been kind to Dean and Cas. 

"I know Dean, I know.", Sam said gently, he didn't know what to do besides putting his arms around Dean and holding his brother as he fell apart. Silent tears fell down Sam's face as he mourned for Dean and for Cas.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfic I've posted on here, I'd love some constructive criticism or feedback! I'm ugly crying in the club rn how dare they make it canon in the worst way possible


End file.
